There is no escape.  No turning back, no ability to cease, and none to be saved. When it's not a part of you, feelings of despair, fear, and chaos pulse through your body like electricity pumping through your veins, delivery momentary jumps of icy pain.  Your mind is consumed with nothing but finding it, getting the fix, riding the pleasure it brings.  You neglect family, some who just don't understand.  Quality of work diminishes as you care not what you produce, but only that you spend enough time there so as not to raise any suspicion of your true want and desire.  I find myself neglecting duties around the home, dishes pile up like mountains in my sink, clothes litter the floor as if rooted in their spot. 

It affects who I am too.  My emotions run wild; anxiety, a deep sadness, uncontrollable laughter, all these are but momentary hints on my mind and lips, hints that come and go as quickly as the passing winds.  Pushing everything aside, I dig deeper, go harder, refusing to see the reality and let anything outside my realm of reality penetrate until it's over.  With it finality, peace, a lifting of a cloud that shows the world outside waiting to be lived and loved.  But, this feeling is but temporary as yet another longing and urge stirs in my mind as turn over the past relationship gained.  I know there will be another time when I am consumed beyond help, a fortress of my mind with nothing able to lay siege and wrought me away. 

This is what reading does to me...especially Harry Potter books.  This explains why I have been AWOL on the blog this past week, book 7 needed a good reread.  I would think to myself, "I need to blog something."  But, I was always distracted.  This was meant to mostly be a joke of mine, mostly.  I do find myself consumed and 800 pages books get devoured in a week.  However, it's not all of them, just the good ones...and the Harry Potter Series is the catalyst for the feelings. Yeah, I'm a great, big ole dork.  Nice to Meet You.