Reverse Nap

It's 3am. The entire house is dark, both rooms opposite of my hold in it's bowls sleeping men, re-energizing for the new week. One spot in the house glows light, casting a reflection of a tired, aged man in the window. My computer connecting me to the outside world with silent judgment for being up this late. I've stopped sleeping through Thunderstorms.

At one time the melodic symphony of pidder padder outside danced with the drumming thunder and awesomeness of a light show, was what I loved. Nature's own audio/visual show inspires, scares, and brings to tears the heart of dime store novel lovers. But, now, I am set apart by worry. I wake up in the middle of the night listening to thunder in turn with the lightning. I hear every creek of my almost 70 year old home. The rattling windows, the deflection of rain from window to window sill and I worry about how the house will hold up. Will I wake tomorrow to find more areas in need of fixing? I silently think to myself "girl, I know you can do, stand strong." I have missed my last night of worriless sleep. It was in July of 04, a month before I decided to buy a house. No worries, few responsibilities, and deep rain filled sleep.

Also, is the nature of my job. Big storms, mean big work. Long days, filled with unhappy people whose homes are broken. The thought of waking up tomorrow and having more work than I can handle, but having nothing to do to stop it, also keeps the eyelids open at night. I don't know why I am worried about it. I am good when it comes to busy situations, I thrive well. I know what needs to be done and I do it. But, that doesn't mean I enjoy the bountiful times more than the lean. I like the small work load. The time to do things right as opposed to fast. I don't want to kiss my social life goodbye for the next few weeks. So I sit up and I think about it.

My bed is so comfortable, and my mind is not comfortable. Sleep is one of my favorite things, I guess this is like a reverse nap. You take a nap during the day, but when you wake up from sleep during the night, briefly, and then you return to sleep, I guess can only be a reverse nap. My mind is hazy with sleep and my words tend to make less sense at this point. With a quick prayer I will give my problems to God and try to salvage the rest of my night, maybe a extra pillow over my head will do the trick.