Knowing God vs. Knowing about God

What does that mean? To know too much about God has the potential for you to look down on those learning and searching, this lead to non Godly ways, among other negative connotations . Not knowing enough about God prevents you from having a deep and full relationship with Him. At which point does knowing about God comprise knowing God.

Meditation vs Prayer. Is there a difference? Apparently so, and I think the lost art of meditation is black eye on today's Christianity. Something I am going to try and remedy, with myself at least. But, finding time is the hard part. No excuses, taking five, ten minutes to actively listen and think of God as you mentally roll through the rolodex of ideas and concerns you have. It could be something as simple as online journaling...Hmmm...

Do you need a church to be a religious person? Is it necessary to attend a weekly or semi-weekly service? If not, where does the foundation of your faith come from? The jaded, redrafted scripts of Grade B movies? And, if you don't need to attend a church, are you not knowing enough about God and His people?

So many questions, not enough answers, this whole search thing is crazy, but I know it won't ever end. I see this "journey" as a constant teetering between to much and not enough, with an understanding I will never find that exact point were there is not more movement, a perfect balance if you will. That I am find with, because the journey is important and end justifies the means.

"This is the way we clean the house, clean the house...all the live long day."

As per my usual return to home tradition, I spent a good portion of the day cleaning. Some of you might not believe me, but I like to clean. I have a special routine that makes it almost fun ( cause if it was fun, I would be a world class tool, and now I am just a national class tool.) The key to enjoyable house cleaning is this...aren't you excited to know...don't you wish I would tell you already? OK, loud music. Pick one of you favorite CDs/Bands/cassette tapes/or Vinyls, turn it up so it pumps through the whole house and thus, over the vacuum. That way from any room or any vacuum you can hear the tunes. I also find cleaning the house is a good way to procrastinate other stuff. My main goal today was to clean and organize my office, so what did I do. I cleaned every other room and saved the office for last. I didn't want to do it, but after I ran out of rooms it got done. Mostly, it allows my mind to wonder and gives my hands something to do. I like being home.

No one is at the house right now and I am lonely. But, I think even if it was full of people I would seek out the quiet place and continue to be lonely, that's just the mood I choose to be in right now. It allows me to think and attempt to put things in perspective. But, I bought a new book today called Knowing God and I think I will start reading it now instead.

Last Post from South LA

I have something new to add to all the list of my hobbies and interests on those stupid canned applications and what not. People watching. A fun sport with many facets and sub levels to explore. I have said it before but I am just amazed at the diversity of people. Different interest contingent upon age, economic status, and relationship position. And when you think you have someone pegged, BAM! Out of left field comes the winds of change that level you. One such example is of an email sent to me by my Granny. She sent me an email of leaving work/returning to work personified by penguins and polar bears. It was a funny email and appreciated, but it made me think of the other emails I get in the same format. These usually come from my friends and have no where near the innocent intent of this particular one. I can picture her laughing as she sent these email out to family and friends, I can also picture my friends faces and comments as they sent others out to me. Both completely different, but both with my interest in mind. My interest...now there's a vast chasm of grayness to fill. As I change so do my interest. I want to believe when Granny was my age, she would have appreciated some of the content of the emails sent to me now (though, come to think of it, probably not, she had to be as nice and "Mary Poppins" back then as now). But, I find the jokes that made me laugh out loud back in the day (yeah, I know, I'm not old), barely even get a polite smirk now. I stick with stupid jokes that don't offend, unless you are a pirate. Don't believe me, give me a call when you have an hour and I will go through my portfolio. I am happy with the change.

I was discussing the merits of getting older with a "more seasoned" adjuster this afternoon. He brought up some good points. I think he is trying to pass his wisdom on to me, which is fine, cause I know how to listen or at least pretend to listen. When you waded through the pontification, there were some thought provoking words mixed in. Last night there were five of us sitting around in one of the rooms enjoying some adult beverages and mostly joking around. Then some how the conversation got turned to a religious nature. We had a relatively deep discussion and in the middle of it, I stopped and looked around. I said to myself "David, (cause that's what I call myself...low level humor I know, but hey no one's twisting your arm to read this, you just have to deal and hope I keep my asides to a few words instead of a few sentences. Guess I messed this one up.) this is an interesting group/situation to be doing this." No one was converted, no tongues spoken, but general ideas and philosophies shared. I noticed a similarity with the people here that I haven't seen in a while. As time goes by it is less like work associates, but more like a Franternity. Not a binge drinking, girl chasing, college stereotype. More like the ideal college Fraternity. Shared interests, similar goals, different backgrounds, and yeah, some beer. But there is also the support group, a place to vent on a bad day and advice for a difficult situation. Some people think I am crazy for not really wanting to come back, and maybe I am. But when I work alone 90% of the time and can go weeks without talking to a fellow employee or even a boss, I learn to appreciate the few times when that ring of connection is present. And I am not going to lie, the money is damn good too. But tomorrow I leave to go home and basically do the same thing I am doing here, by myself, and without the extra money kicker. From a business aspect it is the right decision, but from the peon, low man on the totem pole, it sucks. I have been doing this so long it has become habit and the "norm." So after tomorrow, the blog will probably be less about work and more about the other randomness running through my mind. And as I will be busy with more things the posts will inevidently be further apart. So, continue to check and read at you leisure, but don't expect much more than the lovely neuroses passed down to me from my crazy mom ( I heart you Mommy). Closing out on Denham Springs.

Homeward Bound...For Good

Well, I found out today they are sending me home on Friday. I don't have to come back, and to be honest, I am not exactly happy about it. They had to hire people outside of our company to work my normal territory in Shreveport, and they aren't doing enough work to justify their salary. So what does that mean. It means in order to save over $1,200 a day, they are making me leave and go home. I know the undertone of the post shows disappointment, which I am not going to lie, I am. I was excited about making the good scratch. I know of some people who will be happy I am home, and I guess I will be happy too.

I don't think it could have come at a better time. Today I climbed on a metal roof and with out looking I accidently bumped my head on the electrical wire connecting to the adjacent structure. No missing hair, or burned smell, but a deep breath and a quick prayer up to God.

Also with the recent vomiting and stomach pains, at least I can get better at home. So turn the light on, kill the fat chicken (not the one with the flu), cause Daddy's coming home to stay. Just don't get upset with me if you Christmas gift is not as good as it could have been, you can blame that on "The Man."

Jack Frost Can Bite My Butt

I noticed it immediately as I opened the door to my hotel room. There was something wrong. Something in the air. It became very apparent around 8am as I was standing on a rickety metal roof. It's friggan cold! Yesterday was nice, a light breeze to keep you going, but plenty of warmth in the sun. Today, however, like a thief in the night, the cold had robbed the beautiful weather, replacing it with teeth chattering cold.

Now, I know in southern Louisiana I have no right to complain about the cold. I have friends scattered above the mason Dixon line who have yet to feel how miserable they will be. But, standing on the roof in my short sleeve shirt brought to my realization, I didn't bring any long sleeves with me. Well, I take that back, I did bring one old, thin cotton shirt with long sleeves. This shirt however is not what you would call the pit bull of the wind blockers. That being said, when I got back to the hotel I immediately put my pathetic excuse for warm clothes on. That lasted about an hour. Then I got my unhappy butt in the car and went and purchased a fleece. Now I will be happy and warm. So bring on the cold, I'm ready.

Cause Oscar Mayer has a Way with B-0-L-O-G-N-A

When I was a younger David, I had a youth counselor who would tell us that the key to being good leaders with the younger campers was to remember two words. Patience and Tolerance. She use to tell us to ask God for Patience and Tolerance. This was something I used a lot during that weekend, and it is something I have kept using over the years. Very often the words "God, please grant me Patience and Tolerance," have been uttered under my breath. I was explaining this to someone I worked with on a previous job and she mentioned in her opinion this would cause God to test her patience and tolerance more. After that conversation I wonder if she was right. I find myself asking for patience and tolerance more and more as the days go by. The need for it gets bigger and the regular amount just doesn't cut it. But, I invite the challenge of the journey to Patience and Tolerance. There will never be enough, and this I know, but I am not afraid of the work to get there.

The town I am working in currently is in the middle of their big fair. They say every year around this time the fair comes to town. This make sense for even as I little boy I knew this. I knew this because of the many ridiculous task my mother made me do. Her response to my protests of things being unfair was always the same. "Life is not fair, the fair is what comes at the end of October." Boy my parents get smarter the older I get, and not just in the terms of revelry. Anyway, some one asked me if I would be partaking of the events. I thought it best to skip the gathering of a bunch of people who I have probably made mad over the last couple of months. Lord knows they would all be there with the torches and pitch forks. So instead, we convinced the boss to let us cook out in the hotel parking lot. Free food, good fun, low key. That's what I am talking about. The weather was great and since I don't have to work tomorrow it was pretty dawg gone nice.

I am thinking today was a good day for the animal kingdom. I had an ecounter with a huge banana spider ( my third biggest fear if you are keeping count), a dog who thought the best place to sleep was in the middle of the road, and a cat who thought my car was comfortable. The spider bout made me tinkle in my pants, the dog couldn't be moved despite the shooing, yelling, and horn. The cat traveled the length of my car and decided the most comfortable place was my windsheild looking in. He was at the zoo and I was the caged animal. I almost had to teach the cat a thing or two about the food chain. But as most cat do, he lost interst pretty quickly. Which is a good thing, for I know many a relative who would have been more than happy to bring that cat home. Any many more who would be less than happy to recieve yet another pompous feline. I don't know what was in the air, but the animals were out in full force.

I decided yesterday I was going to grill tonight. I was going to buy a grill, set it up in the parking lot, and cook some meat. Those primortial urges men get sometimes. Truthfully the weather is great and I am tired of eating out (working on fifty something nights in a row). The idea was like a bug and before I knew it, everyone was in and the company bought all the neccesaties. Very few things are better than grilled food, except maybe free grilled food. Burgers, sausage, and boudin. Good time had by all. The reason we did it is beacuse of the company giving us tomorrow off. No one has to work. We have been working hard and we deserve it. The light at the end of the tunnel is but a mere match in the dark. Soon that will change to a lantern, and eventually the light of the train taking me home. Home...I have given up not calling the hotel home anymore. It happens at least once a day. But, I keep the positive attitude. I am doing fine, "you know rocking and rolling and what not." A dollar to the first person who can tell me what movie that quote is from. Until then, gaurd your voice mail from old commerical jingles and disney songs.

So, I just wrote most of this over agian, because I am having trouble with it posting. I lost most of it once. I know the second draft is not like the first, but close enough. So, I am not running spell check and if it doesn't go through now, I will be playing frisbee with my laptop. Have fun picking out the spelling errors.

Up is Down, Down is Up

So this was sort of a wierd day. I don't quite to know what to make of it. It wasn't bad, not really good, but just odd. It started at 7:30am with older gentleman I woke up. He knew I was coming, and he knew what time. Apparently, he didn't think the money train (that's me) was worth waking up for. So, after lots of knocks and a couple of calls, he comes to the door...In his underwear. Yeah, so he puts on clothes and we proceed to walk around the home to see the damages. I am looking at the house and doing the usually chit chat. I hear an oddly familiar noise and I turn around to see this man peeing in the middle of his back yard. Now, most of you all have, at one time or another, urinated outdoors, but how many of you have done it infront of some one you just met five minutes earlier. Needless to say, I was running for the anti-bacteria lotion after that one.

Then there was the really, really nice couple who wanted to dissect every letter of there policy. I couldn't help but laugh as the conversation shifted to hobby farms and then...yes Pygmy Goats. That's what they wanted, goats to make cheese and soap and other bohemian things I have only heard out to the mouth of my dear crazy mother. They were fun.

Then there was the dog that decided it didn't like me. I have never been afraid of those little pouches, and this fellow was no different. I pet him after his master calmed him down. Then I stopped and she turned her back, at this point he wanted his true hatred to come through, and he bit me. That little SOB bit me at the knee, didn't break the skin, but I sure did almost kick that dog through the wall.

I finished the day off with a 86 year old man who has had four hip replacements. He waddled around like weebles. He was telling me how his wife wouldn't let him have a ladder or doing anything. I had to agree with her, but what he lacked in mobility he made up for in spunk. His wife could out talk Bob Costas when it came to sports. I tell you a 86 year old female sports fan. Crazy.

I also found out I have been authorized to get a new car. Now I have the daunting task of telling the company how poorly I have taken care of the one I have now. My biggest company fears have now come to fruition. Lucky Me. My choices are between at Ford 500 or a Impala. I'm kinda leaning toward the new Impala, I do like the new design. So, lets have a little pole and you guys can tell me what you think. Tomorrow is my day off and I will be sleeping for most of it. I can't wait.

So, I just spent about twenty minutes writing some ramblings about some, what I like to think is, pretty insightful junk. Yes junk. But when I went to spell check it, because I have inherited my father's ablity to spell, it wasn't there and I can't find it. I don't feel like rewriting it, so you must make due with five sentences, the last of which updating you on me. I'm tired, I hate people, and I'm going to bed.

Surgeon General's Warning- Following is Gross and Should Not be Read if you have a weak stomach, taking heart medicine, or pregnant with child

When it comes to people I have two views, depending on the interaction. I either love people or I hate people. When I say people I mean everyone in general. I sometimes switch moods faster than a pregnant woman. I have recently discovered this job is all about the people. My mother was worried about the different things I would see while I was working in South Louisiana. I think she was more concerned over the structural damage and exasperation of people. I don't think she was taking into consideration the personalities of people. The term melting pot doesn't quite describe it. I would say it is more like a sub culture upchucking.

Some of the people I have met would send you into a spiral of hate, fear, and prejudice, while others give you hope and reassurance. I am not singling out a particular race or economic status. For both ends of the spectrum lie on all varieties of color, creed, money, etc. Some make you think, "What the Deuce, get me the hell outta here." Needless to say, some of the most disturbing things I have experienced, I can attribute to these everyday folks.

For example, today I adjusted a claim on man who has been in the hospital for two months with a staff infection. As I was mid sentence explaining the thousands of dollars I was about to give him, he thought it prudent to show me his "wounds." With out invitation and before I could protest, he was hiking up his shorts and showing me the cuts on his leg, up to and including his danglies, where the doctors had to scrape out infections. Needless to say, it was difficult finishing the explanation of the estimate with a mouthful of bile. That will Haunt Me.

Then there was our Darwin Award Nominee mentioned earlier in the blog, who thought it prudent to go out side during 100+ mile an hour winds. Well we know what disfiguring memento he will be showing the family on Christmas morning. That will Haunt Me.

Then there was the 350 pound diabetic man who stubbed his toe. As I was looking around his kitchen fire (which he didn't tell his wife about, and she was mad, I mean MAD) making notes, he preceded to recount the events to me. I was interjecting my "Uh Huhs," and my "Reallys?" but not exactly paying attention. When I turned around to face him, I found his big, nasty, black, smelly, gross foot in the air, as if I was to magically make it all better. Another gag reflex. That will Haunt Me.

Lastly, (for I could go on for a while) there was the 12 year old girl. Like most girls her age she liked boys, movies, and other stuff they teach you about when they separate the girls and boys in gym class. She came home after school one day, mom was at work. Yes, she was a latch key kid, but most of us all have the memory when we were big enough to stay alone, and even though we said we loved it, it really scared the crap out of us...I digress. Well, with mom not getting home till late, she was hungry. She decided she was going to make her and her cousins some tater tots. You guessed it, with grease. Now, as bright as she might be, no one told her that water only agitates a grease fire (this is where it gets bad). She was afraid of burning the home down, so she grabbed the burning pan and ran it outside. In the process she spilt grease on the floor, the carpet, and worst of all, on her self. Third degree burns on her legs and arms. As I was taking pictures my heart went out for this girl. The doctors said she would eventually be fine, with little to no scaring, but the pain I couldn't imagine. She was nice and cute and as I was looking at the burns and listening to her story, I had to fight back the vomit. That will Haunt Me.

Now you may be thinking I have a weak stomach and I say I do. But, now you know why I am not a doctor or anything where I have to see icky stuff everyday. Every now and then is even more than I would like to handle. Getting back onto point, People are amazing. Always something new and ever changing.

"I want to be a living, Sanctuary for You."

Most people have a memory that when reflected on you remember all the details. The smells, the sounds, the feelings stirred from the particular memory. Some times these memories produce a happy/warm feeling inside which carries you through the day all smiles. But, sometimes those feelings are lonely, scary, and of disbelief. Ones where a sense of helplessness and finality reside. Yesterday I went into the flooded section of New Orleans.

My roommate, Drew Sutton, has been charged with taking video and creating a few short films on the damages in New Orleans and the affect on the Methodist Churchs. Having seen most of Drew's previous movies, I am sure this one will also be amazing. He asked Elizabeth and I if we would go to New Orleans while he filmed some of the damages. He didn't want to go by himself and I really wanted to see the city. So we left around noon on Saturday.

As we were driving through Metarie I was thinking to myself, "This isn't so bad, there are people everywhere, everything has electricity, I've seen this before." Then we cross a bridge to the area where the levee broke. It reminded me of The Wizard of Oz in reverse. Remember back to how impressed you were when Dorothy left the house to the Colorful world of OZ. First movie in color and everything was new and exciting and fun. This was like walking from a world of color and cheer to a world of greys, browns, and blacks. No cheer, no smiles, nothing green around. Just in the span of a thirty yard bridge made the difference from utter destruction and no problems. At that point I knew I had seen nothing like this before.

To write about everything I saw would take too long, and I am sure you will have your opportunity to buy a I survived Katrina book from you local Walmart before too long. I just want to hit a couple of highlights. There was a pile of debris 30 feet high and 70 feet long on the side of the road. It was a mountain of trees. Every house had at least four feet high pile of the guts of their home next to the curb intermingled with years worth of possessions. Every structure had water lines, usually 6-12 of them, for miles we traveled. The further in we went the fewer people we saw.

We checked out a bunch of churches, inside and out, to see the damage. Sanctuaries covered in mold, pews overturned, and ancient organs twisted and broken. It was enough to make your heart hurt. We came across a Methodist Hymnal with at least 15 different colored molds. We of course wore mask, which in itself puts you in a somber mood knowing you don't dare take it off for fear of catching some ten syllable disease.

The term Sanctuary has, to me, always meant more than a place to have worship service on Sunday mornings. I see it as a place of safety and an impenetrable fortitude from the dangers and distractions of the "outside" bustle. A place where you can always find God, and He is always ready to bear the burden of your heart. But to see what water can do to the House of God is mind blowing. Water is a central theme in the bible, usually signifying a cleaning, or renewal for what it comes in contact. This was definitely not the case.

"Lord Prepare me to be a Sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true." These are the words to one of my favorite praise songs. This reassures me a Sanctuary is not drywall, concrete, and a wooden cross, but a place where nothing bad can destroy it. When the Sanctuary is in you, there's no harm that can come to it. We met someone who is a member of St. Lukes Church in NO. He is a contractor and through God speaking to him one night at a worship service, he has decided to rebuild the church. He wants it to be the first building rebuilt, so the church can be the center of the community. He has already started and his enthusiams is Amazing. He has the energetic, contagious personality that will get the Church rebuilt in no time at all. He is the perfect example of a Living Sanctuary for all those willing can find and use. To see some good from all the bad helps to assimilate all the negative and know there is that silver lining.


Now, I know my thoughts have been random and not to my usual standard of eloquence, but in situations like this, raw, unreprised emotions are more suited. . . So, my camera's battery died before I could take too many pictures, but at least I have some.