Evolution and My Place in the Mix

Evolution...the nature progression of things. It is what turned the fish into a mammal, the mammal into a primate, the primate into a Neanderthal, the Neanderthal into a frat guy, and the frat guy into a human being. It is also responsible for turning the alligator into...well, a not so big version of an alligator, now, they compare in size to a canoe, which I will take over a school bus any day. But, not the focus of my thoughts...at least not right now.

For years I have been told my body has been subjected to the McCormick Curse. I mean everytime someone says I look like my father, I curse. Not really. No, it is more like my noise has the McCormick hump, or my feet look like those of my dad's brother or whatever...not to say my mother and her side hasn't pushed in a couple of doosey too. But, it really comes down to one big part of my body that I can now explain...my calves.

I have started to notice a pattern. My ability to grow facial hair more rapidly than others, uncanny ability to eat almost anything, cooked or not, but mostly it has been my enormous calves. Don't get me wrong, I am very proud of my legs, but I never knew what they were for...until now.

I have been born, nye evolved to hike mountains. This is my natural, God given purpose. Why else would I have the calves of a mountain goat, the face of a bear, and the stomach of a...a...ground squirrel (they too eat anything). I was meant to live in the mountainous woods and be one with nature. I don't belong in the flats of the Louisiana. So quickly I have forgotten the allure of the Rockies. How have I become accustomed to not having Mountains in the background of my early morning cup of coffee? Yet, a nine day "vacation" only brings me home depressed and searching for my way back. I search through Backpacker magazine to just remember the sight, the smell of last week before it is completely replaced by exhaust and jerry curl.

I tried for a work transfer, but alas, there is nothing of my company in Montana. I will figure out the way, and soon my newly realized evolved body will accomplish what it was meant to do. But, until then I will have to content myself with weekend hikes and once a year week long adventures.


P.S. By the way I just got back from 9 days vacation from Montana. If you didn't know this, then the whole post would just be, well, weird.