Novelette, as Previously Warned

Humility is a dish best not served at all. Or so you would think. My last post was a while ago, not because I have nothing to discuss, because lets face it, with all the idiocy in the world, there is always something to talk about. My reasons for not updating the blog has been more of a time issue.

As some of you know I took an exam to be licensed to do my job in Texas. Texas, unlike Louisiana, is a little bit more selective of who can work, live, and basically exist. Why, I couldn't tell you, but as they say "Everything is bigger...and better...in Texas." Due to time constraints and seminars in the future based on my performance on the test, I had to bump up my original scheduling of the test by more than a week. This limited my original study plans, forcing me to focus all of my attention on three things. My last week consisted of working, going to the gym, and studying till I fell asleep.

Thursday came and I believed I was adequately prepared...but, I was not. I miss passing the exam by two points. Needless to say I was a little pissed at the outcome, but more shocked than anything. I am not usually a person who performs below par. I, and it may seem cocky, am use to achieving what I put my time and efforts to. However, every now and then something happens and The Man up stairs lets me know I have little to no control over the events. A little taste of humility to put me in check.

I believe a reality check is important every now and again. Granted it is not the most wonderful feeling, and you are left seconded guessing all the answers you changed and decisions you made, but knowing you are not perfect and limited in you ability puts things in place and forces you to do one of two things. You either work harder or give up. Well, I am not a quitter so I will choose to balls up and do better next time. I am not going to say I am happy with the outcome of the test, but at least I know that it wasn't a bad experience and it will keep in on track for the time being. Until the bit of humility blind sides me again.

Enough of the deep, now for the condescending shallow...

I was studying last Saturday in the local coffee shop, a tradition I have recently started...and for soon to be known reasons, I have recently suspended. But I arrived early and I was going to get some good studying in. I sat down with my way too hot Colombian roast coffee, opened my new backpack and pulled out a studying necessity...my ipod. After lefty and righty were in place and Jack Johnson was sing just for me, I cracked my book. The knowledge was flowing and people were started to trickle in. This shop also serves breakfast, and as it was Saturday, there were patrons. You had you eclectic crowd. The two middle aged ladies quietly sipping coffee and discussing some "junior league" event of the night before, The college kid sitting in the corner with his computer hard at work on some project. The old man sitting alone eating his croisaunt and diligently figuring out the word jumble from todays paper (why the word jumble, I don't know, I have always thought that to be the least fun of the them all). These were the "good guys" and pleasant people. I continued to focus on what I was doing and time was passing. Periodically there would be a quite cell phone ring and the recipient would quietly excuse himself from the building to take necessary calls. Pretty normal

About an hour or two into the morning, I had a man, around my age, sit behind me. He was alone and he didn't bring anything to further his crannial capacity. I didn't think about this much as I have seen and been someone who has the ability to just sit and think things through without a distraction. I mean how often to do you get the gist of the book by only reading the cover. Well, I can think of one. This man proceeds to get on his cell phone and randomly call his buddies. A sporadic call here and there is not too bad, but a 20 minute conversation with someone who has problems is not what one would consider public info. This didn't stop ole boy as he continued at a less than inside voice. This went on for about 40 minutes. I kept stopping what I was doing, turning my tunes up louder, looking around at all the other people he was disturbing. With no end it sight, I had the thought of turning around to him and say..."You look like a quasi smart guy. What is the difference between everyone else in this place and you? Then I was going to sing him the "some of us are not like the other" song (it's more of an insult then and presentation of facts). But, as the vail of red fury closed on over my eyes and I turned to confront my day ruiner, I remember a bit of an earlier conversation he had mentioning how he wanted to and I quote "get my hands on a piece. I need something to shoot." For the anti-pop culture aficionados, this man was trying to get his hands on a pistol. Over the phone, in a public place. Luckily I remember this and as my mouth opened I merely commented him on his NASCAR hat (and I loathe NASCAR). I decided a couple of ruined hours was worth not having missing teeth or a new air vent in my forehead. Keeping my mouth shut was more about self preservation then the righting of a wrong...selfish, maybe, but I'm ok with it.

Next was the middle 40s man who set up his computer about 15 feet from me. Nothing out of the ordinary with this guy. Keep to himself, no cell phone I could see, but something happened (as you know it was going to because if it didn't that wouldn't be funny). Well, Mister Man decided he wanted to watch some videos on his computer. No big deal, I have done the same thing in there. However, I have the cognizance to do a couple of things. Namely make sure no one else can hear what I am listening to. He was wearing headphones so I only assumed it wouldn't be a problem. Now, I am not sure if he thought they were plugged in and they weren't, or if he just had the volume up so loud he might as well have had them unplugged, but something went awry. I endured rousing tunes by Kelly Clarkson, provocative clips of college cheerleaders complete with interactive cheers, and the occasional news story. At the least you could say this man ran the gamment of info, granted there was some border line sketchy, dirty old man stuff going on. It took me a while to pinpoint the actual noise, but I exchanged some glances and stifled laughs with those of around at the pure unawareness of this man's inner pleasures he was sharing with the shop. Another 20 minutes I couldn't study.

That's when I decided to study well I needed my quite room with Cold Play in the background and my comfortable pillows tugging me into a boredom induced sleep. Just the way a man should study...maybe that's why I didn't pass? But, for now, the coffee shop will be reserved only for recreational reading and internet browsing, and the occasional cup of coffee.

Part II

I know Valentine's day (VD) was a few days ago, but I can still comment on it. I was busy studying, so I treated it as just another day, but I have decided VD is bad for three reasons. It perpetuates the commercial nature of Americans and desire to acquire junk. A three cent card sold at a 1000% mark up is the only way to get across to my love how I feel, I'm calling BS on that one. Because nothing says I Love You like a mass produced, unorginal, poem delivered by a cartoon. I am all about the effort, end results aren't as important as the effort. Just a special kind word or something new and fun...Remember that Ladies (hint hint). Secondly, it has progressed to a competition between men and woman. Whose man can outdo the others. What lady can best read and please their man. The 14ths escapades become the topics of the 15ths water cooler club. I guess I don't regard it as a real holiday, because shouldn't everyday be a day to tell the person you love how you feel? Does it really take a special day created by Big American to convey those feelings? Maybe I am just bitter because I did spend it alone and also I know I am a part of the Corporate Little Guy Killing Machine World, and I am ok with that too. Thirdly, and most importantly, it makes woman crazy. Not the cute, funny...awe that so sweet crazy. No, the pull your hair, slice your wrist, bat-shit crazy you only see in Kubric movies ("All work and No play" type of stuff). I can't tell you how many conversations I had with my female friends guessing and second guessing plans, presents, and situations. There were coming out of the woodwork, in all stages of the relationship from 2 dates, to 3 weeks of "hanging" out, to long term relationships. I listened, I feigned concern, I even did the gratuitous nods, "uh-huhs", and yeses into the phone. You know the ones were you are actually reading or watching tv, but periodically putting in a word to keep her going so you don't actually have to pay attention. Kind of like rewinding the monkey everynow and then so it continues to beat the symbols and dance, and by doing so gives the kids something to do while you relax. Apparently, I don't give a crap wasn't a good answer either. This condition also extended into those without dates. I went over to a friends house that night. He was having a party with his female remote...they both like guys if that indicates anything. They party theme was Happy Non Valentines day. Not exactly a stunningly original idea, but they went to extremes with the decorations. For example heart cookies were purchase, broken in half and put out. Happy couple streamers where hung on the walls, minus their heads. Roses, daises, and other flowers where displayed around the home, either missing the petals or with burned petals. I had to admit to myself this was a little scary. So I lumped them in with the VD crazies, excused myself after one drink, went home, and made sure all my doors and windows were locked, turned off the lights and prayed that I did not become part of the collateral damage of VD. Fortunately, I made it out unsacthed. Now less than a year before we go through it all again. Oh boy, I just can't wait.

Well, if you have read this far you deserve a prize, maybe a medal. At the least you can halve is an "attaboy." So give me a call and I will give you your reward. I have rescheduled my test for next week, I will keep you posted on how it goes.

A buddy of mine, who is an adjuster, sent me this picture. Always with the bad wrap. God forbid these morons actually evaluate the situation and blame the right person...themselves. (I'm not bitter, cant' you tell.)


I was driving done in podunk now where the other day when I say this bumper sticker I like. I took a couple of pictures. You might not be able to read it, but you wont' be surprised of this car's current place when I tell you what it is. The sticker says "Honk if anything falls off." I say well done to the owner of that car. They the get the winner award of the evening.

Until Next Time...Peace Out!